


From Your Love

by sunkwans



Series: Goodbye Note [2]
Category: The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Fluff, It's okay though, M/M, Magnus Bane Deserves Nice Things, Sweet Alec Lightwood, and by someone i mean alec, past breakup talk, someone give magnus a hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-04
Updated: 2017-07-04
Packaged: 2018-11-23 05:10:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11395995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunkwans/pseuds/sunkwans
Summary: Magnus, after promising to tell Alec everything, shows Alec the note he'd written.





	From Your Love

**Author's Note:**

> you can read this without part one, but you should totally read the first part, just saying :) i literally can't say no to you, angels, so here's alec actually reading the note. *sighs dramatically* enjoy, angels ;)

Alec tried to ignore the shaking in Magnus' hand; he really did. But knowing that the letter Magnus was handing over meant so much that he was  _shaking_ terrified Alec. What was he to say? How did he tell his boyfriend that _no I will be here. I'm not going to leave you; not until I have to._ How did Alec tell Magnus that he loved him? Instead of answering the questions running through his head, Alec reached out and grabbed the note, unable to watch Magnus struggle. 

"Magnus, it's okay. I'm here now, yeah? This note, whatever it says is in the past," Alec said gently. He wanted to give Magnus a hug, but refrained, afraid to break his resolve to actually  _read the damn note._

"It's our past, Alexander. It matters. Just read it," Magnus said. He wasn't angry; instead he seemed sad. Almost as if he wished the note didn't exist. Alec couldn't help but think it must be a little bit embarrassing for Magnus. 

Which, was of course, absurd. Alec had called Magnus so many times that Magnus  _melted_ his answer machine with magical fire. That was a little bit embarrassing, despite how close the two obviously were. It was hard to be vulnerable, Alec knew, and even harder for someone like Magnus who had never shown any sort of weakness until his father. Alec knew,  _he knew_ , what it was doing to Magnus to show this side of him, yet Alec couldn't stop. He couldn't stop himself from unfolding the paper and eating up the words. 

_Dear Alexander,_

Alec had to take a breath. He didn't know what the note would actually say. He imagined Magnus felt as he had; alone and remembering what they used to have. Alec glued his eyes back to the paper. 

_I know you will not read this, because I will not give it to you, but somehow, writing this and pretending that your beautiful blue eyes will read my shaky words helps with the pain. So here goes ~~nothing~~ everything._

Alec looked at the scratch-mark over the word nothing. He thought of why Magnus actually re-wrote the word and made it even deeper. 

_I think I should start this with the obvious: I miss you. I miss you so much it hurts. It pushes on my lungs and makes it hard to breathe, like a weight._

_Even the Chairman misses you._

Alec let out a shaky smile at that. He missed the Chairman too, actually. Yes, he missed Magnus, more than anything, but Chairman was just  _a part of Magnus._ And Alec had missed  _everything_ about Magnus. Meaning his loft, his disgusting alcoholic drinks, even his sandalwood shampoo. Everything. 

 _Every time my phone lights up and I see your name flash across the screen, my heart breaks. It's like walking away from you all over again. It hurts, and I wish you'd stop calling, but at the same time I don't. It gives me some sort of anchor to cling onto, knowing you miss me too._  

 _Of course I missed you_ , Alec wanted to say. But he didn't. Something held him back; a tug in his mind to keep reading, that if he didn't read it now he may never. 

_If you were anyone else, I'd be trying to get out there and meet new people. Because it is you that I've lost, though, I cannot do that. It feels like an injustice to the relationship we used to have; one where you were all I needed._

Despite how hard Alec wanted to deny it, he knew that Magnus was all he really needed too. Of course, he needed Jace, and Isabelle, but none like Magnus. The love of his life. The man that was not only his love but his heart. His everything. 

_Sometimes, I'll feel better. It comes randomly, but every once in a while it's like the clouds have began disappearing. Then, I see something that reminds me of you, and I realize that it's impossible for the clouds to disappear because you were the light in my life. The tears will start again, or the empty feeling that I've been carrying with me will eat me up again._

Alec felt tears well up behind his eyes. Magnus never cried. Even the night he'd broken up with Alec, his eyes were dry. So, the statement took Alec by surprise. The fact that Magnus missed him so much, so much to where he was broken, hurt Alec more than he'd expected. 

_I've stopped going outside on my balcony when it's nighttime. That was our spot. You used to sit beside me, watching the sky and tell me how much you loved stars. I would sit, and listen and I would watch you, and look into your eyes, which reflected the stars. For a little bit, you were holding every star in the sky inside of you, and I was lucky enough to see it. I can't look at the stars because it's like looking at a blank slate without seeing them in your eyes. It's as if the only star that really existed was you._

Alec let the tears slip silently from his eyes. They were blurring his vision, making it hard to read, but Alec let them continue. He had Magnus, right in front of him, but the letter brought Alec back to a time when he didn't. A time when he was missing a vital part of himself. But even when he didn't have Magnus, he knew Magnus was there. Then, Magnus had been taken, and Alec really was alone. Magnus could've been in pain, or dying- which he had been- and Alec would never know. It was almost too real. He could still feel the wounds; the rips and tears that heartbreak left behind. 

 _The first time we kissed- Do you remember it, darling? Do you remember how beautiful it was?- I swear I saw gold. Then I understood why Shadowhunters married in gold. I saw pure, gold fire explode behind us like a_ firework. _And then I opened my eyes, and I saw an angel. I saw you._

Alec remembered their first kiss. Remembered realizing,  _so this is what it's supposed to feel like_. He didn't see gold then; he saw every single color. It was as if his life had been in black-and-white, and Magnus' lips were breathing color straight into him. It really was _beautiful._

_I want you to live. No, I need you to live. You're my Nephilim. You know that. You can't die. And yet, you will, one day. I'm giving you up now, so that I'll never have to see you die. It's hard to believe that something as pure and good as you has an expiration date, but that's how it is. I won't say I'm ready for that, and I can't sit back while you lose pieces of yourself. I'm giving you the freedom to fall in love again, with someone who will be able to love you. They'll never love you as I did, but you can be happier with some Shadowhunter man who will probably die and honorable death beside you._

Alec didn't think about his death anymore. It would happen, just as it did to every other mortal. The main reason he didn't want to think about it, though, was exactly for the reason Magnus said: Magnus would have to watch, unable to do anything. Alec didn't want to put the love of his life through that. No one would want that. But he knew that Magnus was willing, and therefore Alec was willing. Alec wanted Magnus, and if that meant that he'd have to die with Magnus still young and beautiful at his side, then so be it. 

_I love you, Alexander._

_Love, Magnus Bane._

"I love you too," Alec said, barely louder than a whisper. He could feel the tears clinging to his jaw, but instead of wiping them off, took Magnus' face in-between his hands. Magnus was holding in tears, but instead of being sad, they seemed great-full. For what, Alec didn't know. 

Alec kissed Magnus softly, but with every thing he had. He spoke with the silent assurance that his words couldn't do. 

When Alec pulled away, and after only a second, the sadness was gone. It was still there, because Alec could never forget what life without Magnus was like, but it wasn't prominent. Alec was in love; his body  _lit_ with feelings. He was alive in a way that he had never known was possible. And even though Alec had been heartbroken, the feeling that he was carrying proudly in his heart would always win out. 

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading! also, thanks for the love on part one :) kudos & comments are welcome <3


End file.
